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101 Ways to annoy Professor Snape

1. Learn a charm that gives it's unsuspecting victim a large, fluffy, white rabbit's tail. For a week. Put it to good use.

2. Tell him you've lost your pet werewolf and has he seen it?

3. Scatter rose-petals in front of him wherever he goes.

4. Sneak up behind him and shout 'Your robes are on fire!'

5. Hug him. Say you were on strict instructions from Dumbledore to do it. 

6. Learn a charm that makes fabric turn day-glow pink. You know what to do next.

7. Get an owl. Name it after him.

8. Go 'Da-da-da-dum!' in a deep voice anytime he passes by or enters a room.

9. Shout '10 points from Professor Snape!' at random moments.

10. Replace all Slytherin insignia in his quarters with that of Hufflepuff.

11. Tell loud stories about Neville Longbottom's boggart.

12. Make a voodoo doll of Harry Potter. Push pins into it in class and smile knowingly at Snape.

13. Accidentally call him 'Buzz' every now and again, for no good reason.

14. Become his 'Good-Snape' and 'Bad-Snape'. (Ie. Poke your head over his shoulder and advise him according to which Snape you are. Then switch shoulders and say the opposite. Use a silly voice. )

15. Hide your face with your hands in class. When he approaches remove them and shout 'Peek-a-boo!'

16. Leave him invitations to Sirius Black's 'birthday party at the Whomping Willow'

17. Squeak softly everytime he says your name during roll-call.

18. Get Hermione to teach you a spell revealing the undergarments of it's subject. Use it at every available opportunity.

19. Look terrified and leave the hall ANYTIME he picks up his spoon at mealtimes.

20. 'Need a brush over there Professor?'

21. Follow him closely through the hallways. Imitate his stern look and determined walk. If he turns around, stand still and smile sweetly.

22. Leave copies of Lockhart's biography all around the place.

23. Introduce him with the words "Here is a man who not only has a brilliant mind and a wonderful wit, but can also sing.'

24. Transfigure a jack-in-the box's head to look like him. Wind it up and leave it outside his door. Run like hell.

25. Charm his hair into dreadlocks.

26. Get a hose. Corner him. Spray him down. Run.

27. Doodle things on your potions notes about 'that cute Potter kid'

28. Doodle things on your potions notes about 'that cute Longbottom kid'

29. Offer him tequila.

30. Get a tattoo. One that says 'Sevvie' Insist it has nothing to do with him.

31. Eat chocolate cake in class. Offer to let him lick the plate clean.

32. Every lesson, quote things he said last lesson. Word for word.

33. Transfigure his robes into a Molly-Weasleyesque woollen jumper with a large 'S' on it.

34. Owl him long and detailed accounts of your summer holidays.

35. Dress like him and dye your hair black. Refer to yourself as 'mini-snape'

36. Ask him what his middle name is.

37. Leave a well-worn and sickeningly cute teddy-bear where it can be easily seen by staff and students. Ensure it has a tag, written in a child's hand, stating that he 'belongs to Severus' and is called 'Chuckles'

38. Make casual but loud references to Harry Potter being considered for an Order of Merlin.

39. Talk back in class. With a bad Scottish accent.

40. If you're a sneaky Slytherin, slip him a potion that makes him sing everything he says to the tune of 'I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts'

41. If you're a gutsy Gryffindor, draw a lightening-bolt scar on his forehead when he's asleep.

42. If you're a well-read Ravenclaw, bring large piles of books to class, and verify anything he states. Loudly. (ie: 'He's right you know! or 'He's done it again!')

43. If you're a hard-working Hufflepuff, write long extra-curricular essays about the benefits of good, strong cleansing-potions

44. If you're a feisty Faculty member, flick things at him during dinner at the High Table.

45. When he leans down to inspect your work - Grab your wand, place the tip of it directly between his eyes and shout 'Lumos!'

46. Nickname your quill 'Snapie' and talk to it during class.

47. Drop vague hints that McGonagall likes him a little more than strictly necessary.

48. Drop vague hints that Filch likes him a little more than strictly necessary.

49. Get your potion horribly wrong. Smile when he berates you and ask if that deserves a detention.

50. Get your potion all over him. Smile when he splutters incoherently with anger and ask if THAT deserves a detention.

51. Grab some friends. Surround him. Sing the entire soundtrack to Moulin Rouge.

52. Imply that you think Professor Lupin was the only deserving applicant for the Dark Arts job.

53. Leave anonymous notes on his desks. Have them say things like 'Remember that summer in 72, Severus dear?' or 'Meet me in the restricted section...and bring a friend!'

54. Refer to him as 'Cuddles'

55. Smile at him. All the time.

56. Publish a newsletter detailing his life and everyday activities. Call it 'The Daily Snape'

57. Hum 'Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore' during any moments of silence in class.

58. Ask him why he saved Harry Potter. Ask him every day.

59. Clap noisily when he finishes telling someone off.

60. Knock over your cauldron, spill it everywhere and shout 'Surf's up, Sir!'

61. Sneak into his chambers. Put Blast-Ended-Skrewts in his underwear drawer (click the link to know what that is).

62. Transfigure all his quills into giant purple peacock feathers.

63. Go Christmas-caroling at his door. Do not leave or cease singing until dawn. Do this in July.

64. Ask him at the end of every Potions lesson if he knows a good love-potion.

65. Charm his hair bright orange.

66. Ask him if he wants a massage.

67. Hide in his chambers at night. Wake him up by jumping up and down on his bed shouting 'Rise and Shine Professor!'

68. Find out the passwords to his office and private chambers. Cast a spell to change them to 'Fluffy White Kittens' and 'Flowers & Lollipops'

69. Drool in your potion.

70. When he glares at you, give a similar glare back. If he blinks or looks away jump up and shout 'I won!'

71. When he leans towards you in class, looming over you and generally looking menacing - reach up, tweak his nose, then twiddle your thumb between your index and forefinger and say 'Got your nose!' triumphantly.

72. Learn a charm that makes people sprout interesting flowering plants from their hair. Use your imagination.

73. Ask him if he knows who Alan Rickman is.

74. Anytime you catch his eye, wink at him.

75. When he next deducts points from you, (and he will) threaten to drop him from 32 stories.

76. Call him Severus.

77. If you're brave, call him Sev.

78. If you're really brave, call him 'Sevvie-kins'.!

79. If you're suicidal, call him 'precious-little-Sevvie-kins'

80. When he's teaching, say 'Delicious' or 'Scrumptious!' after every ingredient he lists off.

81. Ask him about his private life and personal hygiene.

82. Present him with a pet baby bunny rabbit every few weeks. Tell him each one is called Minerva.

83. Form a cheerleading squad. Make up a dance and chant for him. Follow him around.

84. Send him Valentines in February.

85. Send him Valentines in August.

86. To avoid suspicion and create more annoyance, give vague hints in these Valentines that they are from a certain blonde Slytherin.

87. Offer him sweets. Every chance you get. Insist that he try the green ones.

88. Set his robes on fire.

89. Set your own robes on fire. Insist that he save you.

90. Doodle things on your left arm during his lessons

91. Follow him around singing cheerful Beatles songs until you can sing no more.

92. Find out when his birthday is. Throw a surprise party. Shower him with gold ribbons and pink balloons.

93. Make a habit out of grabbing Harry Potter and dragging him into Snape's office by his ears, crying 'Here he is Sir! I've got him!'

94. Transfigure all the buttons down his front into large, pink flowers.

95. Turn in all your essays on perfumed paper covered in scribbled little love-hearts.

96. When he turns his back, imitate anything he just said in a high, squeaky voice.

97. Introduce him to your friends Rickmaniac, Gumlick and Meg...watch the fun that ensues.

98. Procure some ferret-droppings. Leave a large pile of them in his desk. Insist that Draco Malfoy did it.

99. Show up drunk.

100. Giggle constantly. Give no reason. Continue until he kicks you out of the dungeons.

101. Fall completely, head-over-heels in love with him. Let everybody know about it.

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