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My Body, My Weight, My Life

Well, I've made personal decisions during my disappearance and at the start of this new year.  Its time to get off my ass and do something with myself.  I weigh well over 200 lbs and for the first time in years have gone up in my jean size.  Not a big thing it may sound but when you've been sitting somewhere for 4 years...well its a big big situation.  Losing weight and becoming healthier over all isn't just about vanity, which I will admit is indeed some of it, but because it is something that needs done.  My father died Christmas 2008 from complications of diabetes and its my mother's biggest fear that I'm going to become diabetic because of my weight and pop intake  Well, I refuse to let it happen.  There are other reasons too.  My self-esteem is another.  There are days that I'm okay with the way I look, I feel pretty I feel happy.  Then there are other days, I just want to stay in bed because I don't feel pretty, only fat and ugly; clothes won't fit, my family will critize my looks...those days I don't even want Dan to see how I look.  And he loves my body, somehow, and loves me for me.  He knows how I feel, and I'm thankful that he'll be there to support me through this.

This is something I need do.  The excessive weight takes a toll on my body some days, and I'm terribly unfit.  I eat and drink junk far, far to much, even though I've been getting better somewhat with the water amounts.  But when I get winded going up the stairs to my classes, and start weezing then well damn it, its time to get in gear.  So, its time to start thinking and start focusing.  My battle plan will be to follow!

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